Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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