hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize