Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
