when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
