At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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