I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
