I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
