It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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