Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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