It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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