somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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