Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
