plz talk dirty to me
she woke up with a sticky ear
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
