We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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