it wasn't lemon gatorade
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
smell my finger.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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