I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
