I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize