i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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