the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize