Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
