Buhtt sex?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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