i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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