chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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