Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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