she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
