my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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