How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize