Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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