here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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