It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Less talking, more tequila
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
