the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
