He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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