allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Say something about gay babies.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
