...so i touched it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
