Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
