John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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