you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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