Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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