i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize