listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
