Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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