I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
