Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
