my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
