its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
