Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
