What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
