I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How external is "for external use only"?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize