I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
