My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize