This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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