He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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