and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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