...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
