just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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