Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize