Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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