I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
