i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
