I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
