I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
