she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
