I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize