His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
