I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
