The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
