why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
