Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
