Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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