so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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