Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
