"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
