Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
