matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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