Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ugly people sure do ruin things
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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