I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
