They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
