If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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