I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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