I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
