I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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