I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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