ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
