He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
