I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
