That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize