If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
