I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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