He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
