There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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