come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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