and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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