We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize