My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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