Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
