I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
