somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
