So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
