Whod you bang
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
