After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
