She is in my trunk
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize