just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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